I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
