id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
