My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
