There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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