I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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