Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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