I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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