On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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