the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
