suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
