How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and she was petting her beer can
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
