you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
