She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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