is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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