i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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