Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
