I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
