I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
