I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
