I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I came so hard my ears popped.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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