3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
