Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
