I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
