I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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