I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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