he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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