I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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