Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
