I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
