The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
