I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
