So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
