Your dad touched me again.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
