Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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