thus making me awesome and them whores
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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