ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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