he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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