I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
