If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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