drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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