so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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