Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
