Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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