i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
