I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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