Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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