You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
