# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
