So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
