hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize